St. Monica

“We were alone, conferring very intimately. Forgetting what lay in the past, and stretching out to what was ahead.” Confessions (Book 9, Chapter 10, vs. 23)

St Augustine’s Confessions always read to me like they were written last week or last year. Somehow his style and insight is always new, fresh and lively.  The passage we read today in the Office of Readings is both consoling and challenging.  Alone with his mother Monica, who knew she was near death; both Augustine and Monica exhibit a powerful Christian attitude. They want to put the past aside in order to focus on the future and its possibilities.  

And there was much in the past about which Monica and Augustine had to let go. Though raised as a Christian, Augustine got caught up with the Manicheans, a dualistic sect whose emphasis on wisdom rather than authority as a path to truth attracted him. At the same time, and by his own account, because he was so determined to impress his friends with his sexual exploits, Augustine did not exhibit much wisdom. He lived with a woman for thirteen years, who sadly is never named, and fathered a son with her.  

It was the thirteen years of her son's turning away from the practice of faith and his hedonistic lifestyle that gave Monica such heartache and caused her to pray so desperately for him. While it is to Augustine’s credit that he acknowledges the power of his mother’s prayers, it is Monica herself that we want to celebrate today.  Monica’s compassion and yearning for God do not allow her to blame her son, to berate him for his infidelity to the church, or to attack him for the hurt he caused her. Rather, she forgives and lets go of the past in order that both of them can go forward, she praising God in heaven, Augustine to fame as a bishop and renowned preacher.

What a witness Monica is for us today.  If there is anyone who, as our twelve step friends remind us, is "living in your head rent free," let go and pray for the strength to move forward with your own life.  Jesus refused to focus on his abandonment by his disciples, and begs his father with his last breath to forgive those who have tortured and killed him.  Monica, as Augustine so beautifully acknowledges in his Confessions, does the same thing.  She speaks intimately with her son, not about the past, but about what was ahead.  We would do well to follow her example.

Do not pray to be successful, pray to be faithful

“But as we were judged worthy by God to be entrusted with the Gospel, that is how we speak,  not as trying to please men (and women), but rather God, who judges our hearts.” (1 Thess. 2, 4)

Mother Teresa is reputed to have said: "I do not pray to be successful, I pray to be faithful." Sounds very much like St. Paul in today’s passage from first Thessalonians. He is not trying to please the people he is serving, but God.  What a challenge both these great saints put before us.

Soon I will be celebrating another birthday, a time for reflection and hopefully some renewal.  But I always smile ruefully at times like this because I continue to rely too much on others' approbation of my life and ministry, even though I know it is silly, even childish.  While this enduring fault may be a good exercise in humility, I would like the grace to let go of success as a barometer of my value, and enter more deeply into the mystery of God’s presence all around us.

Since some of you may be struggling with this same fault, let me suggest a few practices that might be helpful.

1. Take a moment each morning to hand over the day ahead. Ask God to make it holy and to help you not worry about the things you can’t control.
2. Pause during the day in an intentional way and thank God for whatever is happening.  Sometimes I set my watch alarm to buzz at noon and 5 pm to remind myself of this.
3. When troubled (or obsessed) with others' behavior, ask what it is like for others to live with you as you are.  
4. Develop some form of repetitive prayer throughout the day.  The Jesus prayer might be fine way to begin:  “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.”

A gospel life must be very simple. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. Cluttering life with too much to do, too many worries, too many things to say or think gets in the way of knowing the heart of God at the heart of all that is.