"Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks
and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." Jn 20:25
Doubt is a natural and necessary aspect of faith. If faith is about relationships, then we must have doubt. What person do you know who has not struggled with their most intimate relationships, whether it is with a best friend or a spouse. Sometimes we are hurt or feel abandoned. At other times, we wonder if an important trust has been breached. Whatever the issue, we sometimes doubt the integrity of our relationships, and this is true as well in our relationship with God.
Pope St Gregory the Great says as much in the Office of Readings, "The disbelief of Thomas has done more for our faith than the faith of the other disciples." (Homily on the Gospels) Gregory's point is simple and direct. By doubting the Lord's resurrection, Thomas opens the door for Jesus to draw him more intimately to himself.
If we acknowledge our own doubts and sit with them peacefully, we open that same door. While we should not expect anything as dramatic as Jesus instructing us to put our hands into his side and our finger into his hands, he will sit with us in our confusion and accompany us through our resistance.
Today, gently open yourself to whatever doubts you have.
Do you have a healthy spiritual way of embracing your doubts?
Why shouldn't we expect Jesus to resolve our doubts in a more dramatic fashion?
ReplyDeleteWise folk often say that expectations are the seeds of disappointment. To pray that Jesus would resolve our doubts is good, but we need to trust that, if our doubts remain, that they are for our good and/or the good of others.
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